Don’t we all love adventure couples? Living life to fullest while sharing it with someone they love. How could this possibly not bring us joy? Oh yeah, because we secretly want to be them and their happiness annoys the shit out of us. We all know these 6 types of adventure couples (or at least follow them on Instagram). And they are the absolute worst.
1. The fighters
Nothing lets us enjoy a natural setting more than adventure couples yelling at each other. How many relationships do you think Mother Earth has absolutely wrecked? You see them in every outdoor activity from hiking to climbing. Often it starts with the more experienced partner sharing their passion with the other, but it ends up being a litmus test for the relationship itself. The lesson to learn from this couple is if you want to really get to know someone, take them outside and into an uncomfortable situation. You’ll quickly see their absolute worst.
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2. The hotties
Where do people like this even find each other!? Oh yeah, on their last Patagonia photo shoot. Or while teaching a yoga course on a retreat in Bali. The girl apparently lives in either a bikini or sports bra. The guy wakes up every morning looking like Russell Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. If they started roller skating, roller rinks would start magically reopening in Brooklyn. If they wore Jansport backpacks, REI would start selling them like they were Osprey’s. But the number one thing to know about this adventure couple? You don’t have to be them to enjoy the great outdoors.
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3. The crushers
If they ever procreate their offspring will be the next Alex Honnold. They do things together that you only dream of. Date night involves running a marathon or summiting a 14er. For their anniversary they climbed The Nose of El Cap in a day. They’re probably both sponsored athletes, plus they have PhDs. Are their days also 24 hours? Or do they have a time-turner like Hermione in Harry Potter? How they manage to do it all (and so well!), is beyond your imagination. You just look forward to watching the new Netflix documentary about their humanitarian work and summit bagging in Nepal.
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4. The #vanlifers
Wow, how inspirational. They gave up everything for a simple life of endless adventures on the open road. Your first thoughts are, “How the f$%k do they afford this? Do they work? How much can a #vanlife blog possibly pull in each month? Can the world really support so many of them? Are they really as happy as they seem? Do they wake up every morning parked on the beach? How much time do they spend getting these pictures, and what are they not showing us?” All legitimate questions, and honestly nobody will ever get a straight answer. So live vicariously through their perfect pictures and get back to work.
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5. The newbies
Ok, these adventure couples we don’t really hate. Good for you for trying a new outdoor adventure! We were all beginners once. But also, if you could hurry it up a bit. Oh wait, don’t do that, you’re going to kill yourself. You seriously didn’t bring (insert critical piece of equipment for the current activity)? Oh, you learned how to do this on YouTube? I feel much better. You guys look so cute together, totally clueless that you’re in imminent danger of a gruesome death. Here, we can help, let me show you. Yeah, maybe we’ll just do it for you. But seriously, you make an adorable couple.
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6. The newlyweds
We are all for outdoor sex. But like we’ve said before, Mother Nature should be treated much like your own mother when it comes to sex: while she might know it’s happening, she certainly doesn’t want to see (or hear) evidence. So newlywed adventure couples, go wild and get frisky, but do so discreetly. We can relate to how nature makes you want to “do it like they do on the discovery channel”, but seriously, there’s a ton of space out there. Go find a spot all your own and do as you will. This goes without saying, but the same rules apply to indoor adventure pursuits as well.
If you liked this article on adventure couples, check out more Humor Content, or you might also enjoy:
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