“Getting down and dirty.” “Knocking boots.” “Making whoopie.” No matter what you call it, you’ve probably thought about outdoor sex. There’s something primal and uninhibited about having outdoor sex under the stars (or under a clear blue sky, for the more adventurous amongst you). And while we couldn’t agree more with the urge to return to humanity’s more animalistic roots, with the number of people frequenting public lands these days we all need to be responsible and respect Mother Nature. And Mother Nature should be treated much like your own mother when it comes to sex: while she might know it’s happening, she certainly doesn’t want to see (or hear?) evidence. Here is our guide to outdoor sex.
The LEAVE NO TRACE Principles
For most outdoor activities, following the Leave No Trace (LNT) principles are the best way to make sure you’re enjoying nature responsibly. There are seven principles that can be applied to pretty much any outdoor pursuit, from car camping to climbing. And if “fadoodling” is your outdoor pursuit of choice, the principles still apply. After extensive field testing, we bring you our Leave No Trace Lovemaking: Guide to Sex Outdoors.
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1. Plan Ahead and Prepare
For most activities this first principle means 1. Knowing the route, 2. Getting proper permits, and 3. Bringing the right equipment. While spontaneity can be sexy, there’s something to be said for setting the mood. Here are two essential items to make the experience clean, comfortable, and LNT friendly:
Blanket
While nature might look soft and inviting in movies and pictures, take it from us: there are very few natural surfaces that are ideal for outdoor sex. Whether its dirt, grass, rock, sand, or something else, most likely it’s dirty, uncomfortable, and will lead to scratches and bruises in places you don’t want either of those. A blanket fixes this, and adds an element of romanticism. The Pendleton Yakima Camp Blanket is our top pick for this, but for those on a budget you can’t go wrong with the REI Co-op Outdoor Blanket.
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Baby Wipes
Getting to the perfect scenic location for a “nature nooner” can leave you sweaty and dirty. Post “nature nooner” you might find yourself covered in any number of organic materials. For your before and after cleaning needs, baby wipes are the easiest way to get freshened up. After 4 months living on the road and testing various baby wipe brands, our kickass ambassador @megmac336 says nothing beats Sea to Summit Wilderness Wipes. Note: We highly recommend testing out any and all wipes on your skin before using in your more sensitive areas.
Read More: The Best Daypacks for Every Adventure
2. Travel and Camp on Durable Surfaces
As inviting as an alpine meadow or a field of wildflowers might seem, nobody wants to see your ass print left over from a meadow makeout session that got hot and heavy. So what’s a “durable surface?” According to LNT.org, “Durable surfaces include established trails and campsites, rock, gravel, dry grasses or snow.” Ouch! None of that seems particularly comfy for outdoor sex. Just another reason to bring a blanket and not rely on nature to provide the cushion. LNT.org also notes that in “pristine areas” you should, “Disperse use to prevent the creation of campsites and trails.” That’s also good sex advice: change it up, move around, try out different spots…and stay away from strangers. If you follow this rule you won’t be creating campsites or trails, just good memories…and hopefully nothing more?
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3. Dispose of Waste Properly
Do we really need to spell this one out for you? Other than human feces, I can’t imagine anything more disturbing to find in nature than the remnants of someone’s “lakeside lust-and-thrust”. Pack it in…(pun intended) and pack it out.
Read More: “Pooping in the Woods: The 9 D’s of Defecation.”
4. Leave What you Find
Left your Liberator at home? A real shame, but LNT.org instructs adventurer’s not to “build structures, furniture, or dig trenches.” Forgot your friendly Rabbit and Dildo? Too bad, cause you’ll need to “Leave rocks, plants, and other natural objects as you find them.” And that old rustic log cabin that would make Pinterest DIYers cry? Probably best to avoid it as your outdoor sex spot: “Preserve the past: examine, but do not touch cultural or historic structures or artifacts.” In short, the only history you should be impacting is your own.
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5. Minimize Campfire Impacts
As much as a campfire might set the mood, rely on your passion to provide the heat. If fires are allowed, make sure to “use established fire rings”, “keep fires small”, and “put out fires completely.” For places where fires aren’t allowed and you want a bit of romantic light by which to stare into your lover’s eyes, try the ultra lightweight Mpowered Luci Candle Inflatable Solar Lantern, or if you insist on the very best and brightest, try the highly rated Black Diamond Apollo. Better yet, plan ahead and get some moonlight mattress-dancing in during the next full moon—no fire or lantern needed.
Check out: How to Choose a Sleeping Bag
6. Respect Wildlife
While locking eyes with an animal during your “treetop tryst” could be a transcendental experience, do your best to not disturb the wildlife. This includes feeding, approaching, or affecting their natural habitat. While many sexual euphemisms may include animals (dancing the goat’s jig, burying the weasel, christening the yak, digging up the sand crab, making the beast with two backs), they’re not intended to be taken literally. Leave the real animals alone during outdoor sex—your inner animal is enough.
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7. Be Considerate of Other Visitors
“Let nature’s sounds prevail. Avoid loud voices and noises.” You could argue that the impassioned cries of you and your obviously satisfied lover could be considered “natural”. But some people (re: most) don’t want their outdoor experience to include ecstatic invocations of God shouted over and over. If your “pickling the prime meridian” unavoidably includes loud noises, make sure you’re well away from any other people. Pick a spot that’s either very secluded or allows you to see others approaching before they can see you. Keep in mind as well that in many places outdoor sex is illegal, so being seen could have consequences worse than just embarrassment.
Looking for a romantic getaway? Check out our Local’s Guide to Big Sur, CA.
Outdoor Sex
If you choose to take the bald-headed gnome for a stroll in the misty forest, follow these LNT guidelines to ensure the best experience for you, your partner, other visitors, and Mother Earth.
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